I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
