I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
