Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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