...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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