Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
