So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
