What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
