I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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