We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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