it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize