i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
