so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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