I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
