we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Someone shattered a urinal.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
