found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
