I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
