Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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