sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
