I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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