I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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