If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
