handjob tips. give me some.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
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