The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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