OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
BRING THE BAGELS
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
