I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
