I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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