your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
