Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
