Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize