Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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