I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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