Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
