miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
