i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
