He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We have started to decorate penises.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
