How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
