She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
