last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
