Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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