All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
