Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
