i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
