I'm jealous of your bromance
there was a trapeze. enough said
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
