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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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