Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
