Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
