Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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