So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
