dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
