I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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