A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
