I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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