the condom got lost in my hair
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
