He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
