so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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