Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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