I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
