Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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