I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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