You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
