i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
