On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
