A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
