If i come over, it means nothing
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
