Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
