Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
