I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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