The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No subtext here. People are naked.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
