For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
