I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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