First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
