It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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