"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
