Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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